Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 156, June 25, 1919 by Various
V >>
Various >> Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 156, June 25, 1919
T.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Taxi-driver._ "WHERE ARE WE ALL OFF TO?"]
* * * * *
THE SPREAD OF DEMOCRACY.
"The Earl of Loudoun, whose English seat it is, possesses eight
jeerages."--_Field_.
* * * * *
ANOTHER IMPENDING APOLOGY.
"'Honour among thieves' is an old saying, but the pickpocket who
stole Lieut.-Commander Grieve's watch during his reception was an
exception to the rule."--_Illustrated Leicester Chronicle_.
* * * * *
A correspondent asks us if there is any truth in the statement that
Peace will be signed in time for the Peace Celebrations. At the moment
of going to press it is still doubtful.
* * * * *
"NOTE.--The Swan used in this Production is supplied by the
well-known firm of Messrs. Swan and Edgar, Piccadilly Circus,
London."--_Programme of Shakespeare Theatre, Liverpool_.
We understand that the business is in the charge of Mr. EDGAR during his
partner's absence.
* * * * *
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
_(By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks.)_
_Jinny the Carrier_ (HEINEMANN) was, as Mr. ZANGWILL lets us know in a
felicitous epistle-dedicatory to an evidently charming lady, designed as
a "bland" and leisurely book, free from any trace of war's horrors or
modern perplexities, the sort you could read comfortably with a sore
throat on you. I think if I had not been in such rude health I might
have managed the five hundred and eighty odd close-set pages without
getting just a little tired of his worthy Essex peasants of the time of
the great Hyde Park Exhibition. _Jinny_ herself is a perfect darling, of
real wit and character, and her business as the local carrier gives a
plausible machinery for the introduction of an enormous number, a truly
Dickensian profusion, of subsidiary characters. _Jinny_ indeed is above
criticism, but the trouble with many, indeed with most, of the others,
seemed to me to be their exaggerated sprightliness of speech, just a
little too clever to be credible and not quite amusing enough to be
palatable in large doses. To me the real pleasure of the book comes from
the author's craftsmanlike use of words and the humour and imagination
of his descriptions and asides. But if I may be humbly candid beyond the
custom of my trade I must confess to an uncomfortable impression
that sounder qualities in the reviewer would have discovered greater
qualities in the work.
* * * * *
I rather suspect Mrs. GERTRUDE ATHERTON of having written _The
Avalanche_ (MURRAY) either for the amusement of exercise in an
unfamiliar medium, or, well, for any motive that might explain a
production certainly not quite up to her own standard. Its publishers
(who may be prejudiced) consider _The Avalanche_ as "a brilliant and
engaging study of mystery and romance;" me it impressed as a melodrama
dependent on one long-heralded sensation, which proves on tardy arrival
an affair of disappointment. I suppose I must be careful not to give
away the mystery, such as it is. _Price Rugler_ was anxious to discover
why his attractive wife assumed a worried look when money was mentioned
and fainted on being told that she was not to wear the family ruby at a
particular masque. All this happened (you may not be astonished to hear)
in San Francisco, amongst that luxurious, idle, over-moneyed society
whose manners Mrs. ATHERTON knows and describes so well. _Price_ had
already found out, with the assistance of a not too brilliant detective,
that his wife's mother derived her income from a gambling saloon;
the remaining problem was how to link up this knowledge with the odd
behaviour of _Mrs. Price_. Perhaps you see it already. She had been--No,
I said I wouldn't, and I won't. Of course the discovery couldn't be
called cheerful, though it was fortunately made in time to prevent any
great harm. But it was nothing like an avalanche.
* * * * *
[Illustration: UNRECORDED HISTORY.
INCONSIDERATE FLAPPER WAYLAYS KING JOHN ON HIS RETURN FROM SIGNING MAGNA
CARTA AT RUNNYMEDE.]
* * * * *
It is much harder, I am afraid, to be a good Bengali than a good
Englishman. _Nikhil_, the Rajah of Sir RABINDRANATH TAGORE'S _The Home
and the World_ (MACMILLAN), persists in treating _Sandip Babu_ (a
convinced Nietzchean in philosophy and a Nationalist of the most
inflammable type) as an honoured guest of his household, in spite of the
fact that he differs from the fellow profoundly on every conceivable
topic and is well aware, moreover, that _Sandip_ is rapidly winning the
heart of his Rani, _Bimala_. _Nikhil_, you see, considers that "all
imposition of force is weakness," and that "only the weak dare not be
just." Most Westerners, I think, would have kicked the rhapsodical and
rather plausible agitator out-of-doors and felt all the better for it
from the boot-toe upwards. The real truth is that the story, which is
written in the form of a triple autobiography (_Nikhil, Sandip_ and
_Bimala_ all taking a hand at telling it in turn) is an exposition of
two views of Suadeshi, or what may be called the Sinn Fein movement in
India. _Nikhil_ is the apostle of "self-realisation" as a moral force;
_Sandip_ believes in grabbing whatever you can. The latter first deifies
his country (_Bande Mataram,_ or "Hail, Mother!" is the Nationalist
motto) and then identifies _Bimala_ with the object of his worship,
which seems a very convenient theory. As for _Bimala_, she wavers
between the two. The romantic interest of the book (which is, by the
way, a translation) breaks down rather badly when it becomes clear that
_Sandip_ is not really a big enough man to make a complete conquest
of the Rani; but from every other point of view it is supremely
interesting. And if _Nikhil_ might perhaps have been improved by a
little less force of character and more of shoe-leather, _Bimala_, at
any rate, is a delightful personage.
* * * * *
Even "KATHARINE TYNAN" must sometimes fall below her own standard, and
_The Man from Australia_ (COLLINS), though written with considerable
grace and charm, is too thin in plot to be altogether satisfactory.
_John Darling_, a youngish man of wealth and an extremely liberal
disposition, came from Australia to visit his connexions in the West of
Ireland and--if opportunities occurred--to help them. Opportunities did
offer themselves in abundance. The _Adairs_ in their various ways were
ripe for a benefactor of the _Darling_ type to appear, and _John_ soon
got busy. In the course of his activities--for it would have been unkind
(and very dull) to bring him all the way from Australia to Ireland just
to serve as a travelling relief-fund--he is made to fall in love with
one of the _Adair_ girls. And that's almost the whole story. One may
always trust Mrs. HINKSON to get her atmosphere right; but she is not so
happy in her attempt to contrast the preternaturally unselfish _Darling_
who, like an earlier _Mr. Darling_, would have been content to live in a
kennel) with the inordinately self-indulgent father of the _Adairs_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: EPILOGUE]
THE NEW ORDER OF THINGS.
"I assume," said the Cynic, "that you are sufficiently sanguine to
rejoice in the prospects of Peace."
"I derive a certain satisfaction from those prospects," replied Mr.
Punch on a note of reserve.
"But you ought to be jazzing for joy, like the other fools in their
Paradise of nigger minstrelsy."
"My years excuse me from choric exercises," said the Sage. "And, anyhow,
it doesn't take me that way."
"Then you are not in the movement. You are not in touch with the
spiritual pulse of our throbbing Metropolis; you take no active part in
the New Life that is springing from the seed of England's sacrifices.
True, your years, as you say, are against you, however well you wear
them: it is to the young that we look first for signs of the great
Regeneration. And in particular we look to those who are to be the
mothers of that future race which should reap the full harvest of our
blood and tears.
"And what do we find?" continued the Cynic. "We find a contempt for the
old virtues of simplicity and reticence; we find the distinction of sex
wiped out, and with it all reverence and sense of mystery. Nature is a
back number with them; they must for ever be plastering their noses
with powder--not just privily, as used to be the better way of faded
charmers, but shamelessly in public places. In dress they barely keep
within the bounds of decency prescribed by the police. They make their
own advances, rounding up and capturing their 'boys' for partners,
lest the haunts of jazzery should be closed against them. And in this
competition for their favours the good modest fellows who only a little
while ago were fighting our battles for us are now giving themselves the
airs of spoilt beauties. What do you make of all this in your scheme of
Renaissance?"
"I admit much of what you say," said Mr. Punch, "but I ascribe it, in
part at least, to a natural reaction from the strain and horror of War."
"'Reaction'!" snorted the Cynic. "A very comfortable word. But what were
the sufferings from which they are 'reacting'? The loss, you will say,
of the flower of our chivalry in battle? Well, one would think that
might have steadied them. Is this what our manhood died for--to make a
British carnival?"
"I don't pretend to understand that side of it," said the Sage, "but I
know that during the War we respected the silence of their grief; and I
know that nature must choose its own way of recovering from a loss and
reasserting its claim to happiness. Remember, too, that War must always
have its demoralising features, however splendid the cause for which you
are fighting. 'Let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die,' says the
soldier in his brief intervals of release. And some of us at home went
more than half-way to meet him, imitating an attitude excusable in him
but not in us. And that attitude is bound to survive for a little time
the causes that induced it. But you must not forget that many of the
type which you are now attacking did noble work in the War; and they
will do it again."
"That may be," said the Cynic; "but is it necessary to have an orgy of
_Carmagnole_ in between?"
"I think perhaps it is like the case of a crew or a team going out of
training. They permit themselves a certain relaxation before they start
training for the next contest. But I think too that there is something
to be said for your reference to the _Carmagnole_. We are passing
through a phase of Revolution, very natural after a great upheaval. The
sense of freedom--the very thing for which we have been fighting--is apt
to turn the heads of the young and thoughtless. There is a spirit of
rebellion in the air, which at its worst takes the form of Bolshevism,
but here is seen in a relatively harmless shape as a general revolt
against social restriction, a general passion for what is known as 'a
good time.' In any case it is only a passing phase. Already there are
signs of a reaction from this reaction; of a return to the decency of
other days. They tell me, for a slight but significant indication, that
the waltz is coming back; that we may even look to see a revival of the,
minuet and pavane."
"Then it is just a question of a cycle of vogues? We are to be swayed by
recurring gusts of fashion, and not inspired by a fixed ideal."
"Fashion counts with us, of course, for we are human and some of us are
feminine. There was a fashion of patriotism as there is now a fashion of
something that might easily be mistaken for its opposite. But the range
of its influence is largely confined to a rather negligible element in
London, the most provincial of capitals. The Press--and notably the
Photographic Press--gives it a prominence out of all relation to its
importance. The great majority are untouched by it. They talk little
and they advertise less. But in a thousand quiet ways they are setting
themselves to make good."
"To make good money, you mean. Our world seems made up of profiteers and
of those who would be profiteers but can't, and so abuse those who can.
Can you name to me a period when there was a wilder rush for wealth, or
a more blatant display of luxury? Sometimes I wish the War back; England
was at her best when the call for sacrifice came home to her. But
how--we hear great talk of Reconstruction, but I am reminded rather of
the Restoration."
"My friend," said the Sage, "I shall believe that this too is only a
temporary phase. Memory is not our strong point, but you can perhaps
throw back your mind to a year ago and recall how near we came to
the ruin of our hopes. Victory took us by surprise; and we were less
prepared for Peace at that moment than we ever had been for War. And,
just as in the first days of the fighting we went astray, running after
the cry, 'Business-as-usual,' so to-day we are making as bad a mistake
when we run after 'Pleasure-as-usual'--or rather more than usual. But
we soon revised that early error, and we shan't waste much time about
revising this. For though we lacked imagination then, and still lack
it, we have the gift, perhaps even more useful if less showy, of common
sense. And when common sense is found in natures that are honest and
hearts that are clean it may make mistakes, but not for long.
"No, I am an optimist, and an incorrigible old fool, if you like, but I
am certain that the spirit which won the War is not going to fail us
at this second call. Perhaps we have only been waiting for the actual
consummation of Peace to settle down to our new and greater task.
"And now I must excuse myself from further dialogue, having a mission
to perform in connection with this very task. I go to distribute a
corrective for some of the evils of Peace, as indicated by you. My
motor-lorry, stuffed with samples, awaits me without."
"And what is the nature of your patent medicine?" said the Cynic, very
cynically.
"It is," replied Mr. Punch, very confidently but also very
modestly,--"it is a little thing of my own. It is, in fact; my
[Illustration: ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SIXTH VOLUME".]
* * * * *
[Illustration: INDEX]
* * * * *
CARTOONS.
PARTRIDGE, BERNARD
Babes in the Wood (The) 25
Bear Turns (The) 443
Cinderella 183
Cramping his Style 283
"Dora" discomfited 63
Dove at Sea (The) 303
"Dry" Humour 123
England Expects 163
Faith Restored 463
First German Victory (The) 83
Foch-Terrier (The) 203
Germany Draws the Pen 383
Ghosts at Versailles 363
Giving Him Rope 143
Honour Satisfied 423
In the Subscription Lists 483
Irresistible Claim (An) 223
Loving Cup (The) 403
Military Muzzle (The) 343
1919 Model (The) 9
Overweighted 243
Peril Without (The) 263
Philanderer (The) 503
Progressive Weight-lifter (The) 103
Reckoning (The) 323
World's Desire (The) 43
RAVEN-HILL, L.
Another Threatened Industry 215
Army of Unoccupation (The) 275
Cautious Dictator (A) 375
Cheerful Pachyderm (The) 315
Dawn of Intelligence in Berlin 155
Distractions of an Indispensable 235
Easter Offering (The) 295
Finishing Touch (The) 475
Goose that Lays the Golden Eggs (The) 135
Great Renunciation (The) 415
Home from Home (A) 175
Imperial Preference 355
International Stakes (The) 435
Lost Ally (The) 75
New Commercial Traveller (The) 55
New Issue (The) 455
Order of Release (The) 95
Peace Queue (The) 395
Reconstruction; a New Year's Task 3
Redress Rehearsal (A) 495
Ruins of Empire 35
Spring Defensive (A) 255
Turn of the Tide (The) 195
Victim (The) 115
TOWNSEND, F. H.
Menace of May (The) 335
War Against the Public (The) 19
* * * * *
ARTICLES.
ANDERSON, MAJOR GORDON
Mistress and Maid 262
ARMSTRONG, H.
Labour Notes 449
_Rus in Urbe_ 428
BAIN, CAPT. B. W.
Cast 134
BELL, ROBERT
_Autres Temps, Autres Moers_ 54
Perfectly Unauthentic Anecdotes 234
BERRY, H. W.
To an Egyptian Boy 24
BIRD, CAPT. A. W.
Joshua 40
BRETHERTON, CYRIL
Bolshevismus 346
Charivaria weekly
Coal 450
_Dulce Domum_ 110
Patriot's Reward (The) 217
Songs of Innocence 432
To a dear Departed 138
To-day in the Food Garden 274
War-Dogs' Party (The) 65, 88
BROWN, C. L. M.
Back to the Cam 374
Good-bye to the Auxiliary Patrol 154, 174
Rhymes of Rank 320
Tragedy of Over-Education (A) 58
BROWN, J. B.
Contracts 148
BURGE, M. R. K.
Small-Talk 318
BURROW, C. K.
Red Wine of the Country (The) 186
CARTER, DESMOND
Bakerloonacy 407
CHANDLER, MISS B. W.
Collaboration. 366
COWAN, M. A.
Blighty Impressions 80
CRASTER, LIEUT. COL. J. E. E.
Edentulous Persons 114
CRAWFORD, CAPT. L. I.
N.Y.D. 448
Propaganda in the Balkans 296
CUNDY, C. W.
"As You Were" 338
Balaam Stakes (The) 474
Error in Tactics (An) 456
Spring Ideal (A) 414
Tangled Triangle (A) 496
DARMADY, CAPT. E. S.
Poet (The) 476
DEANS, F. H.
Our Beauty Column 60
DE BANZIE, ERIC
Spoil-Sport (The) 314
DE STEIN, EDWARD
My Sergeant-Major-Domo 96
DIXEY, H. G.
Early One Morning 86
DRAKE, MAURICE
Diamond-cut-Diamond 408
DUKES, MAJOR A.
Pumpenheim 436
ELIAS, FRANK
With the Red Guards. 321
ELLIS, D. C.
Acute Angler (The) 136
ENGLEMAN, S. E.
Tendencies 126
FARJEON, MISS E.
Dancing demobilised 128
State Lotteries 190
FENN, C. R.
Real Dalrymple (The) 96
FOOTE, S. H. W.
Maternal Instinct (The) 280
FOX-SMITH, MISS C.
Old Ships (The) 290
Rhyme of the "Rio Grande" 34
FYLEMAN, MISS ROSE
Bird Lore 477, 499
Blue Hat (The) 316
Princess Charming 156
Royal Interview (A) 468
Trees and Fairies 74
GARSTIN, CROSBIE
Hairies (The) 402
Mud Larks (The) 22, 68, 120, 156, 214, 260, 300, 360, 478
Old Soldiers 342
GARVEY, MISS INA
Blanche's Letters 416
Tea-cup Twaddle 254
GILLMAN, CAPT. W. H.
Career, (The) 54
Career (Postponed) (The) 318
Demobilisation Disaster (A) 20
Macedonia 286
Teaching Tommy 79
GLASGOW, GEORGE
Embarrassment and the Lawyer 454
Game of the Telephone (The) 210
GRAHAM, R. D. C.
Brighter Side of Peace (The). 294
GRAVES, C. L.
Anti-Picadors (The) 5
Brains and Baldness 345
Celtic Counterblast (A) 366
Conscription of Brains (The) 467
Contra Appreciation (A) 139
Literary Gossip 308
More Musical Reconstruction 406
Musical Gossip 23
Musical Reconstruction 386
Need of our Times (The) 498
Passing of Greek (The) 298
Recognition a la mode 446
Renaissance (The) 429
Silly Seasoning 248
Test of Friendship (The) 208
To M. Georges Clemenceau 182
To the Speaker on his Re-election 117
Weary Titan (The) 41
Why drag in Mrs. Siddons? 505
Winchester's Opportunity 106
GREENLAND, GEORGE
Going to the Bank 494
GUTHRIE, ANSTEY
Dogs' Delight 348
Treacherous Son (The) 420
HEALY, LESLIE
Day (The) 410
HERBERT, LIEUT. A. P., R.N.V.R.
Anniversary (The) 369
Another Crisis 102
Appointment (The) 122
Revolt (The) 349
Space Problem (The) 207
Spring Cleaning 377
Thoughts in Committee 62
HODGE, H. S. V.
Chant Royal of Cricket 380
HODGKINSON, T.
Cricket Bargain (A) 480
Plea for Proportion (A) 106
HODGSON, CAPT. N.
To a Chinese Coolie 150
HOLMES, CAPT. W. K.
Army of Entertainment, Ltd. 28
Art in the Arctic 490
Blanket Astray (The) 130
Murman Amenities 418
Murmansk Mosquito (The) 470
Spring Modes at Murmansk 380
HOLT, R. G.
Local Colour 128
HOPWOOD, REAR-ADMIRAL
New Navy (The) 60
HUTCHINSON, H. G.
Fine Ear for the Haspirate (A) 80
HYSLOP, CAPT. A. F.
Last of His Race (The) 378
IMAGE, MRS.
Coal-Dust 160
IRVING, CAPT. L. H.
Tragedy of the Super-Patriot 257
IRWIN, FELIX
Melisande's Point of View 438
JAGGER, ARTHUR
Ptero-dactyls 202
JAY, THOMAS
Charivaria weekly
Midget (The) 166
JENKINS, ERNEST
Daily and Maily 97
New School (A) 85
KERR, S. P.
Counter-Revolutionary Collar 270
KIDD, ARTHUR
Drink of the Gods (The) 90
KILPATRICK, MRS.
_Francais tel que l'on le parle (Le)_ 170
_Nouvelles de Paris_ 140, 180, 220
Peace Terms 320
KNOX, CAPT. E. V.
New Arm (The) 422
Nomads (The) 398
Revanche 362
Those Dresses 502
Veges on Strike (The) 490
Waiting for the Spark 440
Way Out 390
LANCASTER, G. B.
Our Bivvie 87
LANGLEY, MAJOR F. O.
Career (A) 179
Watch Dogs (The) 10, 200
LEHMANN, R. C.
Bablingo. 327
Consultation (A) 150
Criticism in Excelsis 310
End of the Volunteers (The) 70
Father Thames Talks 86
Hair Cutting and Dentistry 30
Hanwelliad (The) 270
Hardy Annual (A) 190
Laxity in Quotations 368
Milky Molar (The) 167
More Alleviations 390
Mrs. Bloggings's Statement 239
New Game (The) 50
Old Dog (An) 208
LEWIS, M. A.
Boy (Second Class) 6
Business as Usual 442
Cross Country 500
Fearful Odds 322
More Reprisals 38
On the high C.'s 482
Patriot Pig (The) 116
Trump Suit (The) 180
LIAS, A. G.
Necromancers (The) 36
LIPSCOMB, CAPT. W. P.
How to throw off an Article 18
Lese-Majeste 48
On the Rhine 196, 218, 276
Road to the Rhine (The) 76, 176
LOCKER, W. A.
Essence of Parliament weekly during Session
Parliamentary Casualties 26
LUCAS, E. V.
Alas! poor Panther 460
Another Historic Interview 2
Art of Leaving (The) 188
Beautiful Words (The) 168
"Botches" 288
C.K.S. and U.S.A. 388
Clear the Galleries 258
Crusader (A) 501
Dramatists to the Rescue 246
Expensive Amusement (An) 90
Great Cold-Cure Debate (The) 198
Our Friend the Fish 350
Reports 30
Romance while you wait 110
Roofs of the Mighty (The) 486
Transformation 56
Visionary Triumph (The) 440
LULHAM, HABBERTON
On the Safe Side 121
MCMASTER, BRYCE
Ark (The) 158
MARTIN, N. R.
Evicted 94
Novel Reconstruction 6
MASON, MRS.
Rime Fairies 140
MEEK, J.
Ballade of Approaching Baldness 459
In Memory of Dora 8
MENZIES, G. K.
Cook (The) 382
Polly 310
Six-hour Day (The) 250
MILNE, A. A.
Arrival of Blackman's Warbler 356
Getting Out 74
Housing Question (The) 340
Perils of Reviewing (The) 400
To the Death 240
Two Visits (The) 160
NICHOLSON, R. T.
Capital Outlay (A) 396
NORRISS, CECIL
Bird Notes 439
Charivaria weekly
Germ (The) 368
OGILVIE, W. H.
Good-bye, Australians 36
Little Grey Water 462
OYLER, MISS MADELINE
Literary Options 142
PARKES, J. W.
Demobilisation 162
PAYNE, H. H.
Occupied Opera 201
PHILLIPS, GORDON
_Apres la Guerre_ 100
POOLE, J. C.
Civil Education for Soldiers 108
PRESTON-TEWART, A.
Another Pending Indemnity 488
Communications 370
Kismet 159
PRING, B. V.
Schloss Billet (The) 242
RIGBY, BEGINALD
Archaeologists (The) 480
Boom in Architecture (The) 26
Domestic Question Solved (The) 358
Gallery Play 236
Hints on Selecting an Aeroplane 458
Sporting Chance (A) 430
ROACH, MISS M. E.
Brother Service (The) 8
ROBERTS, E. L.
Delysious Details 220
ROBINSON, J. P.
Linguist (The) 70
ROWAN-ROBINSON, MRS.
Daisy 230
SALVIDGE, STANLEY
Pink Georgette 308
SEAMAN, OWEN
America and Sinn Fein 494
At the Opera 267
At the Play 14, 228, 388, 410, 428, 488
Brest--Bucharest--Versailles 394
Cam Offensive (The). 134
Counter-Order of the Bath (The) 374
Hun as Idealist (The) 154
Letters to People I don't know 354
Monuments of the War 194
"_Mutabile Semper_" 314
New Order of Things (The) 509
Paying Game (A) 294
Peace at the Seaside 334
Preliminary Dove: its Prospects 234
Price of Freedom (The) 254
_The Times_ as Peacemaker 274
Tonic of March (The) 174
To Peace, on her Celebrations 434
To Robert of the Force 454
Verdict of Democracy (The) 18
SHAKESPEARE, CAPT. W. G.
Souvenir of Cologne (A) 314
SHARPLES, HENRY
Ruling Passion (The) 434
SMITH, JAMES
F. E. 56
SOMERVILLE, MISS MAISIE
Humour's Labour Lost 460
STRUNSKY, SIMEON
Food Problem in Paris (The) 109
Guaranteed 12
STUART, MISS D. M.
Last Watch of the Night (The) 302
Swans of Ypres (The) 240
SUMMERSGILL, J.
Getting a Job 279