Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 156, May 7, 1919. by Various
V >>
Various >> Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 156, May 7, 1919.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 156.
May 7, 1919.
CHARIVARIA.
No enthusiasm attended the recent revival of the curious May Day
custom of dancing round the snow man.
***
Since the Muzzling Order, says a weekly paper, fewer postmen in the
West End have been bitten by dogs. We are asked by the Dogs' Trade
Union to point out that this is not due to the Muzzling Order, but
to the fact that just at present there is a fine supply of dairy-fed
milkmen in that district.
***
A negress has just died in South America, aged 136. It is supposed
that the exodus of so many of her descendants to London on account
of the great demand for Jazz-band players was largely responsible for
hastening her end.
***
According to a local paper an American officer refused to stay at
a seaside hotel during Easter-time because a flea hopped on to the
visitors' book whilst he was in the act of signing it. We agree that
it is certainly rather alarming when these unwelcome intruders adopt
such methods of espionage in order to discover which room one is about
to occupy.
***
The Society of Public Analysts declares that it is impossible to tell
what animal or what part of it is contained in a sausage. We gather
that it all depends on whether the beast is backed into the machine or
enticed into it with a sardine.
***
The British people still feel themselves the victors, so Mr. RAMSAY
MACDONALD told the _Vossische Zeitung_. Not Mr. MACDONALD'S fault, of
course.
***
London butchers have protested against being compelled to sell
Chilian, Brazilian, Manchurian _and other_ beef. A simple way to
distinguish "other beef" from Manchurian beef is to offer it to the
cat. If it eats it, it is neither.
***
The Board of Agriculture claims that since 1914 eleven thousand
persons have been taught to make cheese. It is admitted, however, that
as the result of inexperience the mortality among young cheeses has
been enormous.
***
The Labour Party are submitting a Motion in the House of Commons
for the reduction of railway fares. An alternative suggestion that
passengers should be allowed to pay the extra shilling or two and buy
the train outright will probably be put forward.
***
The sum of L15,650 has just been paid for the lease of a West End
flat, says a contemporary. If this includes use of the bath, it seems
a bit of a bargain.
***
We gather from an American newspaper that shooting for the new Mexican
Presidency has commenced.
***
An East End fishmonger is reported to have sold fish at one penny a
pound. The controlled price being much higher, several trade rivals
have offered to bear the expense of a doctor for this man as they feel
that something may be pressing on his brain.
***
A Berlin message indicates that the man who shot KURT EISNER has again
been assassinated by the Spartacists. This, of course, cannot be the
end of the business. The last and positively final execution of the
man still rests with the German Government.
***
There has never been a case of rabies in Scotland, says _The Evening
News_. This speaks well for the bagpipes as a defensive weapon.
***
According to a Boston message some Americans gave Admiral WOOD, U.S.
Navy, a very cool reception the other day. In shaking hands with him
they only broke seven small bones.
***
We are pleased to be able to say that the recently demobilised
soldier who accidentally swallowed some "plum and apple" in a London
restaurant is well on the road to recovery.
***
The number of hot-cross-bun specialists who, since Easter, have
been in receipt of unemployment pay has not yet been disclosed for
publication.
***
A dog has returned to its home at Walsworth after being absent for two
months. It is feared that he has been leading a double life.
***
"Throughout the country," says a well-known daily paper, "the
hedges and trees are now budding forth into green leaves." This, we
understand, is according to precedent.
***
"Is your rent raised?" asks a contemporary. With difficulty, if he
_must_ know.
***
Newcastle Justices have extinguished eight licences for redundancy.
There is no reason for supposing that the offence was intentional.
***
The report that the prehistoric flint axe recently found at Ascot had
been claimed by Sir FREDERICK BANBURY, M.P., is denied. Sir FREDERICK,
it appears, merely expressed warm approval of it.
***
The Manchester Parks Committee is considering the question of opening
the Municipal Golf Links for Sunday play. It is contended that the
more anti-Sabbatarian features of the game could be eliminated by
allowing players to pick out of a bunker without penalty.
***
Much advice has recently appeared in the Press regarding the treatment
of bites received from mad dogs, and in consequence there is a
movement on foot among Missionaries to obtain some information
regarding the best method of treating the bite of a cannibal.
***
A Chicago woman has been charged with attempting to shoot her husband
with a jewelled and gold-handled revolver. We are pleased to note that
the American authorities are determined to put down such ostentation.
***
It has come to our ears that a certain Conscientious Objector now
feels so ashamed of his refusal to fight that he has practically
decided to take boxing lessons by post.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WHAT'S THAT THING YOU'VE GOT ON, ALBERT?"
"TRENCH COAT."
"BUT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN THE TRENCHES."
"I KNOW. THAT'S THE IDEA."]
* * * * *
LETTERS TO PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.
_(No answers required, thank you.)_
_To Count Brockdorff-Rantzau, Head of the German Peace Delegation._
The enthralling volume, entitled _Preliminary Terms of Peace_, on
which your attention is being engrossed at the present moment, is said
to be of the same length as _A Tale of Two Cities_. In other respects
there is little resemblance traceable between the two works. A more
striking likeness is to be found between the present volume and a
document produced (also in the neighbourhood of Paris) by the late
Prince BISMARCK in 1871. On your return home, if the fancy appeals
to you, you might, out of these two publications, construct a very
readable romance and call it _Two Tales of One City_. I think this
would be a better name for it than _Vice-Versailles._
_To Signor Orlando_.
Apart from our love for Italy we are, of course, naturally
prejudiced in favour of a man who got his surname from one of our
own SHAKSPEARE'S heroes, and has consequently given us several easy
chances of making little _As-you-like-it_ jokes for the Press in our
simple unsophisticated way. All the same I think you were wrong in
dropping out of the Big Four like that. If every other Allied delegate
were to go off home whenever he couldn't get his own way, or whenever
he differed from President WILSON, there might be nobody left to meet
the German representatives or to sign any sort of Peace terms. The
enemy might even start a Big Four of their own and begin to talk. What
should we do then? We might have to send for Marshal FOCH. I'm not
sure that in any case this wouldn't be the best plan.
But perhaps you will be back in Paris before this letter reaches you.
All roads lead to Rome, and there must be at least one that leads out
of it again.
_To Ferdinand, Fox_.
If news of the outside world ever reaches you in your earth, and you
read the discussions on the question whether your old friend WILLIAM
ought to be hanged, it can hardly have escaped Your Nosiness that
nothing is said about your own claim to similar treatment. Those who
never rightly appreciated you may imagine that you will meekly
consent to forgo that claim. But, if I know anything of your proud and
princely nature, you are, on the other hand, bitterly chagrined at the
thought that you have been forgotten so soon.
_To a British "Sportsman_."
I have often seen you of an afternoon in war-time hanging about in
groups along my workaday street, poring over what you regarded as the
vital news of the day. It was not a report of any battle in which your
brothers were fighting, and, if I had asked you breathlessly, "Who
won?" you would not have said, "The British"; you would have said,
"SOLLY JOEL'S colt." You had never seen the horse, but you had
half-a-dollar of your War-bonus on him, or more probably on one of
those who also ran. To-day there are no silly battles to take up
good space in your evening print; and, better still, there is no day
without its racing matter; no more curtailing of the King of Sports to
the lamentable detriment of our national horse-breeding, a subject so
close to your heart. The War is indeed well over.
And nothing can be more gratifying to you than to note the rapid
progress of Reconstruction in the domain of the Turf. In other spheres
of activity there may be a million people drawing the unemployment
donation; but here there is immediate occupation for all. The New
Jerusalem has been built in a day.
_To Peace_.
You must not mind if, when you come at last, we treat you like an
anti-climax. You see, we let ourselves go, once for all, over the
Armistice, and, though there will be plenty of celebrations for you,
we shan't forget ourselves again. There will be bands, of course,
and bunting, and we shall read the directions in the papers, and
buy expensive tickets and get to our seats early. But we shall be
respectable and inarticulate this time, like the present exhibition at
the Royal Academy. Besides, we have no nice things to shout when the
pageants go by, like "_Vive la Victoire_!" or "_Viva la Pace!_" and
even if we had we should all wait for somebody else to start shouting
them.
But you are not to be disappointed; we shall really be glad to welcome
you, though we do it in that strange way we have of taking everything
as it comes.
I suppose you are bound to assist at your own celebrations, otherwise
I should recommend you to be content to read about them next
day--about the thundering cheers, the wild enthusiasm that swept like
a flame through the vast multitudes, and how "the red glare on Skiddaw
roused the Canon (RAWNSLEY) of Carlisle."
_To a Multi-Millionaire._
It must be a great satisfaction to you to see how highly the
CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER appreciates the loss which the country
will sustain by your eventual decease; and that he has proposed to
increase materially the amount to be raised out of your estate as
a national souvenir of your commercial activities. Indeed you may
reflect that, splendid and profitable as your life has been, nothing
in it will have become you so much as the leaving of it. With such a
thought in your mind the prospect of death should be robbed of a large
proportion of its sting.
_To a New Knight (Scots)._
Out of the eight hundred million pounds' worth of Government material
left over from the War, of which two hundred million pounds' worth
is expected to be realised in the current year, you should have no
difficulty in securing a pair of knightly spurs at quite a reasonable
price. They ought to go well with a kilt.
_To the Chairman of the "Societe des Bains de Mer de Monaco_."
Few people can have been better pleased than you at the cessation of
hostilities. During all those terrible years the falling-off among the
patrons of your world-famous bathing-establishment must have been a
source of cruel grief to you. And now there are already myriads who
have washed away the stains of war in the pellucid waves that lap your
coast of azure.
Here, too, at your hospitable Board of Green Cloth there is
forgetfulness of Armageddon save when the cry of "Zero" recalls to the
convalescent British warrior the fateful hour for going over the top.
And to think of Monte Carlo without the guttural Hun and his raucous
"_Dass ist mein_" as he swoops upon his disputed spoils! An Eden with
the worm away!
_A bientot_!
O.S.
* * * * *
"PUBLIC SCHOOLS' HIGH JUMP CHALLENGE CUP.--E.C. Archer
(Merchant Taylors'), 5 ft. 4 in. (unfinished), 1."--_The
Times_.
We are glad to have later advices which state that he has returned to
earth safely.
* * * * *
"Alabaster Lady's Evening Cigarette Case, lid and hinges set
with diamonds; left in taxi."--_Advt. in "The Times."_
We trust the alabaster lady has by now regained her property and with
it her marmoreal calm.
* * * * *
[Illustration: IMPERIAL PREFERENCE.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "THEY 'ALSO RUN' WHO ONLY STAND AND WAIT."]
* * * * *
THE ARRIVAL OF BLACKMAN'S WARBLER.
I am become an Authority on Birds. It happened in this way.
The other day we heard the Cuckoo in Hampshire. (The next morning
the papers announced that the Cuckoo had been heard in
Devonshire--possibly a different one, but in no way superior to ours
except in the matter of its Press agent.) Well, everybody in the house
said, "Did you hear the Cuckoo?" to everybody else, until I began to
get rather tired of it; and, having told everybody several times that
I _had_ heard it, I tried to make the conversation more interesting.
So, after my tenth "Yes," I added quite casually:--
"But I haven't heard the Tufted Pipit yet. It's funny why it should be
so late this year."
"Is that the same as the Tree Pipit?" said my hostess, who seemed to
know more about birds than I had hoped.
"Oh, no," I said confidently.
"What's the difference exactly?"
"Well, one is tufted," I said, doing my best, "and the
other--er--climbs trees."
"Oh, I see."
"And of course the eggs are more speckled," I added, gradually
acquiring confidence.
"I often wish I knew more about birds," she said regretfully. "You
must tell us something about them now we've got you here."
And all this because of one miserable Cuckoo!
"By all means," I said, wondering how long it would take to get a book
about birds down from London.
However, it was easier than I thought. We had tea in the garden that
afternoon, and a bird of some kind struck up in the plane-tree.
"There, now," said my hostess, "what's that?"
I listened with my head on one side. The bird said it again.
"That's the Lesser Bunting," I said hopefully.
"The Lesser Bunting," said an earnest-looking girl; "I shall always
remember that."
I hoped she wouldn't, but I could hardly say so. Fortunately the
bird lesser-bunted again, and I seized the opportunity of playing for
safety.
"Or is it the Sardinian White-throat?" I wondered. "They have very
much the same note during the breeding season. But of course the eggs
are more speckled," I added casually.
And so on for the rest of the evening. You see how easy it is.
However the next afternoon a most unfortunate occurrence occurred. A
real Bird Authority came to tea. As soon as the information leaked out
I sent up a hasty prayer for bird-silence until we had got him safely
out of the place; but it was not granted. Our feathered songster in
the plane-tree broke into his little piece.
"There," said my hostess--"there's that bird again." She turned to me.
"What did you say it was?"
I hoped that the Authority would speak first, and that the others
would then accept my assurance that they had misunderstood me the day
before; but he was entangled at that moment in a watercress sandwich,
the loose ends of which were still waiting to be tucked away.
I looked anxiously at the girl who had promised to remember, in case
she wanted to say something, but she also was silent. Everybody was
silent except that miserable bird.
Well, I had to have another go at it. "Blackman's Warbler," I said
firmly.
"Oh, yes," said my hostess.
"Blackman's Warbler; I shall always remember that," lied the
earnest-looking girl.
The Authority, who was free by this time, looked at me indignantly.
"Nonsense," he said; "it's the Chiff-chaff."
Everybody else looked at me reproachfully. I was about to say that
"Blackman's Warbler" was the local name for the Chiff-chaff in our part
of Flint, when the Authority spoke again.
"The Chiff-chaff," he said to our hostess with an insufferable air of
knowledge.
I wasn't going to stand that.
"So _I_ thought when I heard it first," I said, giving him a gentle
smile.
It was now the Authority's turn to get the reproachful looks.
"Are they very much alike?" my hostess asked me, much impressed.
"Very much. Blackman's Warbler is often mistaken for the Chiff-chaff,
even by so-called experts"--and I turned to the Authority and added,
"Have another sandwich, won't you?"--"and particularly so, of
course, during the breeding season. It is true that the eggs are more
speckled, but--"
"Bless my soul," said the Authority, but it was easy to see that he
was shaken, "I should think I know a Chiff-chaff when I hear one."
"Ah, but do you know a Blackman's Warbler? One doesn't often hear them
in this country. Now in Switzerland--"
The bird said "Chiff-chaff" again with an almost indecent plainness of
speech.
"There you are!" I said triumphantly. "Listen," and I held up a
finger. "You notice the difference? _Obviously_ a Blackman's Warbler."
Everybody looked at the Authority. He was wondering how long it would
take to get a book about birds down from London, and deciding that
it couldn't be done that afternoon. Meanwhile "Blackman's Warbler"
sounded too much like the name of something to be repudiated. For all
he had caught of our mumbled introduction I might have been Blackman
myself.
"Possibly you're right," he said reluctantly.
Another bird said "Chiff-chaff" from another tree, and I thought it
wise to be generous. "There," I said, "now that _was_ a Chiff-chaff."
The earnest-looking girl remarked (silly creature) that it sounded
just like the other one, but nobody took any notice of her. They were
all busy admiring me.
Of course I mustn't meet the Authority again, because you may be
pretty sure that when he got back to his books he looked up Blackman's
Warbler and found that there was no such animal. But if you mix in the
right society and only see the wrong people once it is really quite
easy to be an authority on birds--or, I imagine, on anything else.
A.A.M.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _The Woman_. "JAZZ STOCKINGS ARE THE LATEST THING,
DEAR. HERE'S A PICTURE OF A GIRL WITH THEM ON."
_The Man_. "WHAT APPALLING ROT! ER--AFTER YOU WITH THE PAPER."]
* * * * *
"HONOURS."
(_BY A CYNIC_.)
A DUKEDOM, GRAND OR OTHERWISE,
NO LONGER IS AN ENVIED PRIZE
WHEN EVERY DAY SOME FIERCE COMMISSION
CLAMOURS FOR DUCAL INHIBITION.
THE STYLE OF MARQUESS--THUSWISE SPELT--
IS PICTURESQUE, BUT, LIKE THE BELT
OF EARLDOM, CANNOT LONG ABIDE
OR STEM THE DEMOCRATIC TIDE.
VISCOUNTIES STAND TO CHEER AND BLESS
THE LABOURS OF THE PURPLE PRESS,
AND BARONIES, ONCE HELD BY ROBBERS,
ARE GIVEN TO PATRIOTIC JOBBERS.
UNCOMPROMISING MALEDICTION
RESTS ON THE BARONETS OF FICTION;
IN ACTUAL LIFE THEY SERVE TO LINK
A PARTY WITH THE STREET OF INK;
WHILE KNIGHTHOOD'S LATEST HONOURS FALL
UPON THE FUNNIEST MEN OF ALL.
YES, WHILE OUR GRATITUDE ACCLAIMS
THE JUSTLY DECORATED NAMES
OF PEERS LIKE TENNYSON AND LISTER,
THERE IS MUCH VIRTUE IN PLAIN MISTER.
THE STYLE AND TITLE DEEMED MOST FIT
BY DARWIN, HUXLEY, BURKE AND PITT,
AND LATER ON BY A.J.B.,
ARE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
* * * * *
[ILLUSTRATION ECHO OF "SHOW SUNDAY."
_VISITOR_. "WHAT'S THIS FELLOW DOIN' IN THE CORNER?"
_ARTIST_. "OH, HE'S THERE JUST TO HELP THE COMPOSITION."
_VISITOR_. "AWFULLY DECENT OF HIM--WHAT!"]
THE DOMESTIC QUESTION SOLVED.
LAST THURSDAY, AT A REGISTRY-OFFICE, I OBTAINED THE FAVOUR OF AN
INTERVIEW WITH A DOMESTIC ARTIST AND WAS ABLE (BY REASON OF A PREVIOUS
CONFERENCE WITH MY FRIEND FRESHFIELD--LIKE MYSELF A DEMOBILISED
BACHELOR AUTHOR) TO FACE THE ORDEAL WITH SOME DEGREE OF CONFIDENCE.
MRS. MILTON, WIDOW, FIFTY-FIVE, EXCEPTIONAL REFERENCES, WHO PROPOSED,
IF EVERYTHING ABOUT ME SEEMED SATISFACTORY, TO RULE MY HOUSEHOLD,
WAS AS SUAVE AS ONE HAS ANY RIGHT TO EXPECT NOWADAYS; BUT WHEN SHE
DICTATED THE TERMS I GATHERED THAT SHE WOULD BE SUFFICIENTLY DANGEROUS
IF ROUSED.
SHE KNEW WHAT BACHELORS WERE, SHE DID, AND WASN'T GOING TO TAKE A
PLACE WHERE A LOT OF COMP'NY WAS KEPT.
I ASSURED HER ON THIS POINT. MY FRIEND, MR. FRESHFIELD, I SAID, WOULD
COME ONCE A WEEK, EVERY MONDAY, TO DINE AND SLEEP, BUT BEYOND THAT I
SHOULD PUT NO STRAIN UPON HER POWERS OF ENTERTAINMENT.
MRS. MILTON FURTHER SAID THAT SHE WOULD REQUIRE AT LEAST TWO
AFTERNOONS AND ONE EVENING A WEEK. HERE WAS MY OPPORTUNITY TO APPEAR
GENEROUS.
"TWO AFTERNOONS AND ONE EVENING?" I SAID. "MY DEAR FRIEND AND
FELLOW-WORKER, YOU CAN HAVE EVERY WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY FROM AFTER
BREAKFAST ON THE FORMER TO PRACTICALLY DINNER-TIME (EIGHT O'CLOCK)
ON THE LATTER. NO QUESTIONS WILL BE ASKED OF YOU OR OF THE PIANO OR
GRAMOPHONE, BOTH OF WHICH INSTRUMENTS YOU WILL FIND IN SMOOTH RUNNING
ORDER. I AM AWAY," I ADDED, "EVERY WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY."
THAT CLINCHED IT. HIDING HER SURPRISE AS WELL AS SHE COULD UNDER AN
IRREPROACHABLE BONNET AND TOUPEE, MRS. MILTON EXPRESSED HER READINESS
TO ACCOMPANY ME THEN AND THERE, AND TO SUPERINTEND THE DISAPPEARANCE
OF MY COALS AND MARMALADE.
PERHAPS YOU HAVE GUESSED THAT I PROPOSE TO SPEND EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT
AT FRESHFIELD'S PLACE, AND THAT THE COMPLETE SUCCESS OF THE SCHEME HAS
BEEN ASSURED BY THE MAKING OF A SIMILAR AGREEMENT BETWEEN FRESHFIELD
AND A PERSON HOLDING CORRESPONDING VIEWS TO THOSE OF MRS. MILTON.
THUS FRESHFIELD AND I HAVE EACH SECURED THE FULL SEVEN DAYS'
ATTENDANCE BY A DEVICE PLEASING TO ALL CONCERNED. AFTER LOCKING UP
THE MELBA AND GEORGE ROBEY RECORDS ON WEDNESDAY MORNINGS AND WITH
THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THE PIANO IS PAST SERIOUS INJURY, I DEPART FOR
FRESHFIELD'S (_VIA_ THE CLUB FOR LUNCH) EACH WEEK WITH A LIGHT HEART.
MY COLLABORATOR IS ALL FOR KEEPING THIS SOLUTION OF A HARASSING
PROBLEM TO OURSELVES. I SAY "NO." THE GENERAL ADOPTION OF SUCH A
SCHEME, WITH ALTERATIONS TO SUIT INDIVIDUAL CASES, WOULD, I THINK, BE
A NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF BOLSHEVISM IN THE HOME.
* * * * *
MR. WILSON RUBS IT IN.
"THE _ECHO DE PARIS_ SAYS, 'MR. WILSON BELIEVES HE CAN PLAY
THE ROLE OF THE POPES OF THE MIDDLE AGES. IN THE ECLAT OF
HIS PUBLIC MESSAGES HE TRIES TO SET PEOPLES AGAINST
GOVERNMENTS.'"--_SCOTS PAPER_.
* * * * *
"GENERAL MONASH MAKING AN IMPOSING FIGURE ON HIS GREY
HORSE, WHERE HE RODE WITH GENERAL HOBBS AND THREE
BRIGADIERS."--_TIMES_.
THE R.S.P.C.A. MUST LOOK INTO THIS.
* * * * *
"GOLF BATTLE OF THE SEXES.
THE LATEST JACK JOHNSON STORY IS THAT HE IS TRAINING IN MEXICO
CITY FOR A SERIES OF FIGHTS, WHICH WILL TAKE PLACE IN THE
BULL-RING.
LADIES: MISS CECIL LEITCH, MISS CHUBB, MISS BARRY, MRS.
MCNAIR, MRS. JILLARD, MRS. F.W. BROWN, MISS JONES PARKER AND
MRS. WILLOCK POLLEN."--_DAILY SKETCH_.
WE ARE RATHER SORRY FOR MASSA JOHNSON.
* * * * *
[ILLUSTRATION: _BORED CADET (IN WESTMINSTER ABBEY)._ "LET'S SHOVE OFF
NOW, MATER. HATE HANGIN' ROUND A PLACE WHERE ONE MIGHT BE BURIED SOME
DAY!"]
* * * * *
THE CHURCH AND PEACE.
The acquiescence of the Coventry Peace Celebration Committee in the
Bishop of COVENTRY'S view that the Lady GODIVA of their pageant
should be fully clothed is leading not only to many innovations in
the representations of history all over the country, but to a
recrudescence of ecclesiastical power which is affording the liveliest
satisfaction to Lord HUGH CECIL.
For already several other divines have followed suit. It is agreeable,
for example, to the very reasonable wishes of the DEAN and Chapter
of Westminster that the Westminster Peace Celebration Committee have
decided that NELL GWYNN shall either be excluded from the Whitehall
procession altogether or shall figure as a Mildmay deaconess.
Acting under the influence of a local curate, the Athelney Peace
Celebration Committee have unanimously resolved that in these hard
times, when (as the curate pointed out) food is not too plentiful, it
would be better if KING ALFRED cooked the cakes properly and they were
afterwards distributed.
So many watering-places claim CANUTE as their own that he may be
expected to be multiplied exceedingly in the approaching Peace revels;
but from more than one Pastoral Letter it may be gathered that the
Episcopal Bench is very wisely in favour of the King's retirement from
the margin of the ocean before his shoes are actually wet. It is held
that in these days of leather-shortage and the need for economy no
risks should be run with footwear.
Other laudable efforts in the direction of economy are to be made,
again through the earnest solicitude of the Establishment, in
connection with the impersonation of Sir WALTER RALEIGH and KING JOHN.
With the purpose of saving Sir WALTER'S cloak from stain and possible
injury the puddle at QUEEN ELIZABETH'S feet will be only a painted
one, while, owing to the exorbitant price of laundry-work at the
moment, it has been arranged that only a few of KING JOHN'S more
negligible articles shall be consigned to the Wash.